From the book
I lay the ice pack aside for a moment, and held the cup in my right hand. The water had already cooled down to drinking temperature, so I took a small sip of the tea, which was my first failed attempt at calming down.
"Do you think… Maybe I should see a psychologist again? Perhaps even a psychiatrist?"
I almost didn’t dare to ask the question, as I got referred to others so many times. But my mental condition was only getting worse with these nightmares. And I feared for illnesses to act up again.
I’d always lived with a cocktail of personality disorders. Both professionally and self diagnosed, and Lukas knew about this too. But he insisted not to define me by the illness, but only by the person. And at that time I happily agreed with him, but now, I wondered where he found the energy to put up with it all. I wasn’t an easy one.
"If you think that would help you, you should do it. But only for yourself, you shouldn’t do it for me."
I knew it made sense, what he said. But it was undeniable that everything I did to work on myself, was for him. I had no need to talk to those soul diggers. I’d want to stay in a trusted place, with a trusted person, rather than talking to strangers who supposedly knew more about myself than I did.